August 27th makes it 9 years and I feel like I’m just getting started. Growing up as a girl I always wanted to get married. It didn’t dawn on me that marriage is work until after I said I do. Possibly the day we came home from our honeymoon. I look back at that day and laugh but it wasn’t so funny then. I realized just how different we were. At that moment in time I was just annoyed but the realization that I just walked into the greatest opportunity to iron my own heart out didn’t quite yet impact me.
Lately Jesus has been teaching me to lean upon Him. Definitely not as easy as it seems. For most of 2013 I would pray Song of Song 8:5 which says, “Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning on the one she loves?” During our time in Washington, I felt as though I was personally in the wilderness. Jesus was so kind and near to my heart daily. But walking through relational conflict and wrestling with my own process sure makes one feel as though they were in the wilderness quickly. During this season, Song of Songs 8:5 was the main scripture I would pray. I didn’t want to waste such a great opportunity to work on my heart and to keep chipping away on the dark crevasses. At times I can forget about God’s activity in my life, and I get comfortable with where I’m at and this terrifies me deeply. Through this process, the Lord has taught [and is continuing to teach me] to wait upon Him.
I feel like He is taking the different seasons I’ve walked through and now starting to connect the dots for me. It’s a partnership. We all go through specific seasons for a purpose and they will most likely all be connected though we may never see the full storyline on this side of eternity. God created marriage to mirror our relationship with Him. If I don’t talk to my husband, we will eventually grow apart. If he doesn’t talk to me, I’ll probably get frustrated and pull away from him. But the key is looking at our marriages like our relationship with God and looking at our relationship with God like our relationship with our spouse. I am in no way saying that our marriage is better than our relationship with God. He created marriage ‘just like’ His relationship with us.
I had no idea what I was doing when I got married. I heard the Lords voice often before we were married but not so clearly on the man who I was about to commit to for the rest of my life. I believed he was the one, it felt right and the people around me approved but I didn’t hear the Voice of God saying I was making the right decision. Making a marriage covenant is a big deal and commitment is a serious thing to me. So to say the least, I was kinda freaking out on the inside. It wasn’t until after the wedding ceremony when I was dancing with my dad, that he told me I married the right man. I wept with gratefulness. Even then, I was leaning and didn’t know it.
My relationship with the Lord is a daily thing just like my relationship with my husband. If I talk to Him, have actual conversations with Him, I will grow more in love with Him, learn more about Him, know His personality, His emotions, when His heart is broken and I will actually know Him. I know my husbands excited face, bummed out mannerisms, heartbroken tone of voice; I know him. We have grown towards each other, gone on crazy adventures, had some intense fights and talked about the deep things of our hearts. We’ve brought into the world two beautiful children. I know my husband because I spend time with him. I adjust my life, I scoot myself aside to be with him, to talk about the hard spots, to put him above myself when it disrupts my routine. That is what you do for your spouse. You prefer them above yourself. And then all of the sudden your list of things to do doesn’t matter anymore because you have encountered them in a new way and your instantly closer. The same is true with Jesus.
It’s a partnership. It’s personal, not business. He so desires us to come closer but so often all the religious jargon gets in the way. It’s a real relationship. He beckons us! He is pining for us! He’s calling us to come to the mountains with Him, to build our relationship with Him. Who would of thought that the incredible God who created everything wants a deep and intimate relationship with His creation? It’s personal. The more time you spend with Him, the more you want to be with Him. He wants us to whisper to Him throughout the day. Whisper and let Him whisper back!